Next week, we’ll be releasing our course on putting together your medical school personal statement. Before we began, though, I wanted to provide the additional perspective of somebody married to a doctor. When we first met, my wife was a medical student, so I’ve been with her through the process of medical school, residency, fellowship, and the first stages of her career. I’ve helped her mentees and classmates with their essays and admission / matching processes, and I understand what a partner of a physician and aspiring physician faces.
I won’t offend doctors by claiming it’s as hard as medical school, but being the partner of a doctor is a difficult road, so I wanted to write two brief little snippets on what you should be prepared for, how you can help, and how you can position yourself personal and as a couple for long-term success.
Next week, I’ll go back to providing insights and advice for medical school applications and personal statements, but first: how should a spouse think about medical school?
As the spouse or partner of a future medical student, you are about to embark on a unique and challenging journey. Medical school can be a demanding and stressful time, but with the right support, it can also be an incredibly rewarding experience. Here are some tips to help you survive and thrive during this exciting time.
- Understand the demands of medical school: Medical school is a rigorous and demanding program that requires a significant amount of time and effort. It is important to understand the demands of the program and be prepared to support your partner as they navigate the challenges ahead. Be aware of the long hours, intensive studying, and clinical rotations that will be a part of their daily routine.
During medical school, there were long stretches where my wife wasn’t around much, because she was studying or doing rotations. That obviously became much more protracted and intense when her residency began. I was finishing my Ph.D., so I had things to do, but I also knew that the physical, mental, and emotional intensity of medical school was on a whole other level, so I did what I could to empathize and make her life a little easier.
- Communicate openly and honestly: Good communication is key to a healthy and supportive relationship, especially during the challenges of medical school. Make sure to have regular, open, and honest conversations with your partner about their experiences and how you can support them. Be an active listener and offer encouragement and support when needed. Understand that many conversations will occur when your partner is exhausted, so don’t choose those times to start arguments. In fact, one of the best things you can do to support your partner through this process is to improve their sleep situation. Blackout windows, a cooling mattress, white noise machine, and keeping a silent house will be immensely appreciated!
- Be flexible and understanding: Medical school can be demanding and stressful, and it may require significant changes to your normal routine. Be flexible and understanding of your partner’s needs and try to make changes that will help both of you balance your priorities. This may include adjusting your work schedule, rearranging household responsibilities, or making other modifications to your daily routine.
- Get involved in the medical school community: Joining the medical school community can help you stay informed about what’s happening and provide opportunities to meet other partners and spouses. This can include attending events, participating in clubs and organizations, or volunteering for events and initiatives. And, understand that when medical school students, residents, or doctors get together, they basically only talk about medicine. So having some non-doctors around in those social settings will help keep you sane.
- Maintain your own interests and hobbies: It is important to maintain your own interests and hobbies. Most weeks, my wife had one (maybe two) day off, and when she was ‘on’ she was basically gone from before sunrise until late into the night. As such, I had to find ways to entertain myself. I went to a ton of Red Sox games, worked out, binged documentaries, and got a dog.
Make time for the activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and consider taking on new challenges and experiences that will help you grow and develop.
- Encourage self-care and stress management: Medical school can be a stressful time for both you and your partner. Encourage your partner to prioritize self-care and stress management, including exercise, healthy eating habits, and time for relaxation and rejuvenation. It can be hard to hit the gym hard after the fifth day of 19-hour shifts, but when you have a chance, find opportunities to do things together that will make you both happy.
- Offer support during high-stakes times: Medical school is full of high-stakes moments, such as exams, clinical rotations, and residency interviews. Offer your support and encouragement during these times, and be there to celebrate your partner’s successes and provide comfort during setbacks. These don’t have to be grand gestures. I always made a point of having coffee brewed, keeping leftovers in the fridge for when she came home, and keeping stocked with her favorite snacks: Whole Foods mango slices.
Also, doctors likely deal with heavy matters of life and death, and when they break down or want to talk about them, accept that you probably won’t have any answers, and maybe can’t provide any comfort, but they will appreciate your willingness to listen and provide sympathy.
- Be a sounding board: Medical school can be a time of intense self-reflection and growth, and it is important for you to be a sounding board for your partner. Listen to their ideas and provide a supportive environment in which they can explore their thoughts and goals.
- Build a network of your own: Building a network of friends and colleagues inside and outside of medicine can help you stay connected and informed during medical school. Seek out opportunities to connect with other partners and spouses, and consider joining clubs and organizations that align with your interests.
- Plan for the future: Medical school is an investment in your partner’s future, and it is important to plan for the changes and opportunities that may come with a new degree. Consider your long-term goals and aspirations, and have open and honest conversations about how the MD degree will impact your shared future.
If you can make it through medical school and residency, the rest of your life is gravy. Embrace the idea that you’re both undertaking something really hard, but intensely meaningful. I used to joke that being married to a medical resident was like having a flight attendant as a roommate: they’re not around much, but when they come back they have interesting stories.
In a relationship that lasts a lifetime, different partners will need support at different times, and frankly during this phase your med school partner will probably need more from you than they can give back. Share their burden and appreciate the role you can play in the life you’re building together!
For more help with your personal statement, check us out at Gurufi.com. Our personal statement editors and consultants have decades of experience helping clients get into top Masters and Ph.D. programs in STEM, humanities, fine arts, and social sciences. Our specialty is helping you craft compelling personal statements that move the needle in your admissions process! For questions, shoot us an email at service@gurufi.com. Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.